Since mid-November, it’s been a rocky road for our small family. While my brother in law, Bob McFadden, was in home hospice in Hilton Head, SC, my mom had two trips to the Hilton Head hospital. Bob passed away on December 2. Mom rallied a bit, able to come to my sister’s home from the nursing home for Christmas Eve via wheelchair van.
It was clear, though, that she was in decline, very frail and not taking pleasure in much of anything. I went home after Christmas, but was back for Bob’s memorial service in mid-January. The plan was to stay through my mom’s 96th birthday on January 28, but it became even more clear that she was not doing well, staying in bed almost exclusively and increasingly confused and in pain.
I stayed, and my sister and I went every day to visit, often finding her sleeping fitfully, or just plain knocked out by the strong pain killers she needed to make her some level of comfortable. On her birthday, we brought her favorite Chinese take-out and a decorated cake; she spent the day in a semi-stupor and didn’t get to enjoy any of it.
She lasted almost another two weeks, tenuously holding on to life, passing away finally on the morning of February 7. So sad, but finally at peace.
She was not always the easiest person to love, but we did regardless. She will be remembered for her sense of humor (sometimes a bit bawdy); her colorful sayings, many of which I find myself using as they are so ingrained; her love of cooking and food, which was hard to see her deprived of when she started losing her taste buds and desire to eat even the most tempting dishes; and her feistiness in general. She was mentally sharp up to the later stages of her decline.
Here are is a slide show with some fairly recent photos from my digital stock; there are so many more from the days of print photos of course which I will get around to digitizing some day maybe. I may do another blog later that delving into her earlier life, as I whiled away hospital hours during her first stay by doing a recorded interview. Hours of memory cannot be condensed into a few words or photos, but it helps to share some of this with friends. Cherish your loved ones, for all their faults, all the days of their lives.
Collage using some of over 100 cards she received for her 95th birthday. Some of you might recognize the ones you sent! 
She loved her seafood, including the lobster special at Reilly’s Pub. 
On her 90th birthday, we gave her 90 presents! 
Granddaughter Mary Elinor (M.E.) Francis enjoyed learning about her mom’s early exploits through photos. 
A visit to DC before she stopped traveling much; M.E. in full teenage mode. 
Hilton Head “bestie” Betty Sebastian, her next door neighbor, was her game and pizza might buddy while they still lived in their homes. 
Decorating Christmas cookies was a holiday ritual. 
The cookie master. 
Flower arranging at her assisted living facility was a hit. She did have a flair for it. 
A cookie decorating session in assisted living which I masterminded. 
M.E.’s high school graduation in 2009. 
A trip with my sister to St. Augustine, FL when she was still able to travel. 
She loved presents, giving and getting. A happy holiday moment. 
Hamming it up for the camera. Bye, Mom! 
At the “home nail salon” with M.E. as the nail technician. 
Oh Betty, this is a lovely post about your Mom. I see you a lot in her face. We never are ready to lose them, no matter how old or how sick. You’re blessed in that she still had a sharp mind and you recorded her stories. That is a treasure for you and your family. The phrase not always easy to love resonated with me because I loved my Mom but she was neurotic so I had to learn to be self protective. It meant I didnt have the closest relationship I longed for. Your Mom was lucky she had you all with her, caring for her. On some level she surely knew your love even in those last blurry days. Take care & sending a hug.
Betty–I know how daunting your journey has been the last three months with the decline and loss of both your Mom, Elinor and Bob, your brother-in-law. Your strength, courage and steadfast presence for your family has been very inspiring for me. By sharing your experience you have helped me and no doubt will help others who might be dealing with similar situations in their lives. Your last thought in the post on acceptance and unconditional love will forever stick in my mind and heart: “Cherish your loved ones, for all their faults, all the days of their lives.”
I wish you peace in your heart and joy forever when you encounter the wonderful memories your Mom left with you and in you.
Wonderful post Betty, and your photo gallery really captures a glimpse of your Mom’s personality & humor – I see now where you got Your sense of humor 😉 You really hung in there and she couldn’t have asked for more caring daughters, granddaughter, and son-in-law.
Betty this is a lovely tribute to your mom And sending you and your family condolences and hugs .